Get Over Yourself: A Response to the Continued Angst Over Interracial Relationships

The recent backlash over NFL star Reggie Bush being deemed “unworthy” to appear on the cover of Essence Magazine, because of his interracial relationship with reality star Kim Kardasian was the latest in this pathetic outcry against such relations . In an era that is increasingly diverse, where men and women, including African Americans are experiencing life on a global scale, it is terribly disheartening that we are still bemoaning an issue, which has absolutely nothing to do with securing an equitable education for our children, gaining access to quality healthcare, economic stability, useful political power, or anything else that might advance us as a people. At a time when some of our most cherished institutions are in distress or like the well regarded Boys Choir of Harlem, forced to close its doors when our sons need them most, do we actually find the issue of who our brothers and sisters share their beds with to be relevant?
Even after the election of our first African American President, himself a product of such “offensive” relations, brothers and sisters with a diversity of accents, languages, religions, political affiliations, sexual orientations, talents, educational and economic backgrounds, still suffer the most debased indignities. I doubt that the perpetrators and system which perpetuates such indignities care who any of us calls our mate. Therefore, might I suggest that the outrage over interracial relationships is nothing more than an unfortunate distraction spawned by a desperate, embittered few who are using the most simplistic excuse imaginable to justify their own failure to find someone. Dare I also suggest, “if ain’t one thing it’s another.” If it isn’t interracial relationships we’re bemoaning it’s those of us who happen to couple with brothers and sisters of a fairer complexion or straight hair, etc., etc., etc. Self hate breeds nonsense. I’ll believe the sincerity of this “outrage” when sisters tune out Robin Thicke.

We needn’t anymore faux psychology or pop publications to explain why a Black man or a Black woman choose to couple outside of the tribe. Black men, like all men, have a tendency to gravitate toward women that make them feel like, MEN! Not their sons or an invalid, but men. A man’s primary need is significance. Every man wants to be the king, the leader, Mr. Fix It, your Knight in Shining Armor. The woman who is secure enough to endow him with her trust tends to be the one you will see on his arm. It’s just that simple. A woman’s primary need is security. I don’t care how fierce you are. You can have a wall plastered with degrees and a bank account to rival Fort Knox, but, there isn’t a woman on this planet that doesn’t want to be taken care of and swept off her feet. Shame on any of us who would dare judge or curse any brother or sister for having found that special someone who nourishes those basic desires, because of the color that love might be packaged in. Our struggles, triumphs, and identity are not altered because of who we choose to share our lives with. The lives of Frederick Douglas and Marian Wright Edelman, among others attest to that fact.

Our sheroes and heroes did not endure innumerable humiliations so that we could shackle ourselves with these foolish disputes and adopt the very mentality that limited them. We are so much more than our superficial differences. I believe that we as a people united in our diversity of thought and life experience can channel our energies toward far greater causes that impact us universally. So in love I beg brother and sister a like, get over yourself!


Copyright 2010 Johnathan L. Iverson Baptiste