Interracial Love: Here We Go Again????

A few days ago I found myself wrapped in a sudden and captivating conversation with a lovely young lady while walking home. We talked for what seemed to be hours: Politics, the Obamas, the entertainment industry, race, God, relationships, etc. were among the various topics of discussion. She spoke about the current state of her relationship and I spoke to her about my wife, who so happens to be from Brazil. This is when the conversation took a rather peculiar, yet, familiar turn. As her eyes started rolling to the back of her head and her neck made that infamous swirl, the predictable questions began to flow: "Why are you brothers always dating or marrying outside your race?" I thought to myself: “Here we go again?” I actually made the bone headed mistake of dignifying her question with an answer, I should have known better: “Actually, my wife is a woman of color.” And suddenly it happened, a question straight out of the Twilight Zone: "Is your wife obviously Black?" Now this was new. "Is my wife obviously Black? You're not 'obviously Black'. Your hair is about as straight as my wife's and my wife is actually darker than you?" Oddly enough the conversation ended quite cordially. However, it got me thinking.

"You know no other woman understands and relates to the unique challenges you have as a Black man." This was one of the more interesting points she made in which I couldn't agree more. However, what she failed to realize is that no man can ever truly know or relate to the unique obstacles that a woman endures and vice versa. So whatever the relationship, the differences and the challenges they bring is inevitable. That's why it's a relationship. That's why it's called love. It's work, no matter who you're with. Quite frankly the perpetually odd complexity of this issue has grown rather old and tired. Boy meets girl, girl meets boy, they click, they connect and they mate. Really, it is no more complicated than that. Grant it, you still do have a segment of people who loathe themselves and their own so, that they actually see dating or marrying outside their particular group (especially someone who is white), as a status symbol. There are those who go outside their respective group as an act of rebellion. And of course, there are those who date and marry outside their race, merely out of curiosity.

Whatever the case, loving someone outside of one’s race and culture, is hardly cause for psychoanalysis or in some cases derogatory labels; nor does it mean one has necessarily distanced themselves from who they are, where they come from, or the reality of their circumstances. Will any of us dare say that the likes of Frederick Douglas, Paul Robeson, Sidney Poitier, Marian Wright Elderman and a slew of other icons of color, who have found love in another shade, were and are somehow out of touch or not "keepin' it real?" Like the great deal of Blacks who have found love beyond their community, my reality is a daily reminder, that no matter my status or spouse, the unique challenges I endure are not at all reduced by my wife's complexion.

Copyright JLI 2008

Playing The Mother Card

Women (and men) through out the centuries have juggled family and work in far more strenuous conditions then the GOP's latest superstar, Sarah Palin. Just ask Democratic Vice Presidential nominee Joe Biden. So what's the big deal? She's a mother of five, with a husband and I am sure an extended family or caretakers to pick up the slack. Joe Biden did it on his own for years, amid tragedy and heartship, but, no one has made that the corner stone of Biden's qualifications for No. 2.

So when did being a mom become a feature on one's political resume? Why is she exalted for doing what many have done since Adam and Eve? How does she conveniently get to use her children as media fodder, yet, when questioned about the obvious, she gets to take the posture of victim? I find myself growing ever infuriated by the charges of feigned sexism regarding this candidate, because, there are women who actually do experience authentic sexism and challenges that in my estimation will be taken less seriously by the nonsense which is Sarah Palin.

In case you might be asking, yes, the critiscms are indeed legitamite. No one ever ask a working man about his kids because we associate children with their mothers. No matter who your father is, no matter how incompetent your mother. Dad could leap tall buildings in a single bound and move mountains, but, mama will always be credited for the state of the home and the children. Please tell me the last parenting magazine you've seen which features a father with his children or even focuses on father child relationships? Of all the parenting books on the market, how many address the father's role? Turn on your TV sitcoms and tell me if you can find a father who isn't portrayed as a dope? We've built a society that is in large part women and mama centered and have the audacity to ask, why isn't the same thing asked of men? Well, why aren't men allowed to use their children as media fodder to advance their careers? Aren't men told to give details and solutions, yet, reprimanded for "connecting"? So, let us stop kidding ourselves, we've practically made men null and void, especially during the last 40 to 50 years.

© JLI 2008

"I am Not A Racist" Thus Spake William Jefferson Clinton

What is it about the issue of race that makes most White people squirm in their socks? If you've managed to live in the Western Hemisphere and have not found yourself affected in anyway by some form of racial prejudice, then might I suggest you get a blood test to find out if you're even human. Be it subliminal or overt, we are all saturated with messages of what certain people are suppose to be like. From family to friends to our respective places of worship to the classroom to the workplace to sports to entertainment to every conceivable corner of our media , etc. racism is as inherent in our nation, our communities, and our homes as air. And guess what? That doesn't mean you're evil. The truth is, we are a SICK society and in a SICK society, people tend to be ill; and very often we don't realize how infirmed we are or that we are even sick at all.

The reason why we are so slow to rectify or rather cure this most pervasive ailment, is because quite frankly, we are ignorant to the very real and diverse perspectives of racism. This is exactly why those Race forums that appear on cable television or network news every year fail to accomplish anything, because for the most part, we are not speaking the same language, thus, none of us are able to hear one another. No White person can truly grasp the racial perspective of a person of color, anymore than a man can understand the perspective of a woman as it relates to sexism; and guess what? We should not expect them to. When it comes to these issues, we do live in two completely different worlds. Therefore, the challenge is to first understand why this is and take the necessary steps to bridge these two worlds. The worst thing we can do is to continue to emotionalize the discourse.

Those of us who have been in the posture of victim must learn to understand that not everything has racial intent. In otherwords, consider the source, i.e. take people where they are: generation, environment, not malice is in some cases the root of some offenses. The White community would do itself well to not fall into the absurdity of feigned offenses and word play, such as, reverse racism which is the absurd notion that somehow Blacks or other people of color that have never ever wielded any authentic power in this hemisphere can somehow or have exacted racial prejudice.

The truth is, terms like reverse racism or the infamous race card, were created as a means to absolve white society from honestly dealing with the issue of race as it truly is. Also terms like white guilt which is a supposed jab at white liberals, don't fair any better either. The irony of such terms as white guilt is that those who haplessly fling them around fail to recognize the subliminal indictment they place upon themselves. Guilt is a good thing. It's the soul's way of reminding us that accountability matters. A white person who comes to the realization of certain racial truths, is not some guilt ridden lib lab who wants to indict their own people, rather, they have the audacity to believe that such simple, yet, bold creeds as liberty and justice for all actually means what it says.

So you might not be a racist Mr. Clinton, but, like many like yourself, you have displayed some racist tendancies. Again, this doesn't make you a covert operative for the Klu Klux Klan, but, you do have a problem. Truth be told, the perpetrator is in no place to diagnose him or herself, because you're not in the place nor do you understand the perspective of those to whom your "tendancies" tend to affect. Therefore, the real way to confront this ridiculous disease of race, is to A) address it truthfully. "You shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free." Be willing to take the courageous, yet, liberating steps to addressing yourself and your environment. Be willing to be wrong, no matter what your intentions might have been; and B) Let us LOVE. Let us love each other where we are. Let us love each other enough not to stay where we are, but, evolve to a higher plain of respect and understanding. "Let us love our neighbor, as we love ourselves!" Do that and indeed, we shall overcome!

Copyright 2008 JLI

You Are Who You Love

There are a number of ways to determine the measure of a man (or woman), but, I would say none more prevelant than who one chooses as a mate. Like it or not, our decisions, especially in regards to those we socialize with and/or love are testaments to our character and essentially how we see ourselves. So, as I watched potential first lady, Michelle Obama render one of the most moving speeches I've ever heard in my entire life, I found myself appreciating the judgment of her husband Barack Obama even more.

I always applauded Barack Obama's obvious intelligence and poise, but, I was never really sold on him. Like most African Americans, I'd been down that road of watching brilliant men and women of color climb to astronomical heights, only to see them pose as nothing more than a colorful face for a system they themselves have no intention of causing to change, thus, I was highly skeptical. Who Barack Obama will be, should he occupy the most powerful office in the world remains to be seen. However, if his choice of a wife is a testament to his character (which it is), then perhaps, he maybe the authentic agent of change for which his campaign boast. I don't care what your politics are, anymore doubts as to the utter brilliance of the Obama clan for which, Michelle is, in her husband's own words "the rock" i.e. the heartbeat of the family, should be cast aside as shear nonsense and spin.

Very often we are subjected to politicians feigned adoration for their spouse and family. From obviously choreographed expressions of public affection to their children's strained and contrived laudings, we've seen the charade one to many times. Yet, there is something to be said about the character and judgment of a man who would vigorously pursue and eventually marry such a woman. She is in no way your typical celebrity or politian's wife. She is not a mere arm piece. She is accomplished in her own right. In other words, her success or person is not at all contingent upon her husband's. She's the living breathing embodiment of the woman of Proverbs 31; or for you non Bible readers, it's as if Claire Huxtable stepped through our TV screens into our reality.

It is remarkably evident that Michelle Obama is her own woman, yet, is grounded and secure enough within herself to be her husband's most ardent cheerleader and supporter. This is quite telling of the humility of an obviously ambitious and driven man, because, I think we can all agree, most men who enjoy such status or are driven toward such status, are not at all interested in a wife who is a compatible and competent partner. Truth be told, most men are not interested in having such a partner, who can challenge him with the same zeal for which she loves him. We see such resistance and venom toward such women expressed daily, especially during the Presidential campaign season, particularly this Presidential campaign season. It is a testament to how stagnent we continue to be as a nation and a world, as it relates to how we view and value women.

Much has been said about Senator Obama's readiness to lead this nation, which personally I find to be absurd, because no one in the history of this nation has ever been "ready" to be President. Every four years we are taking a risk. Thus, one of our greatest litmus tests for a candidate for President has to be his record of judgment. In addition to his judgments on policies and decisions of national and foreign interest, what better record of judgment than the family one has built? What better record of judgment than the spouse one has chosen? If Barack Obama's competence in choosing the brilliant Michelle Robinson as his wife and raising two amazaing children, carries over into his capacity as Commander in Chief we might be in for a spectacular era in American history.

Copyright JLI 2008

No, The Girl In The Room Does Not Get A Pass

Just before the Democratic National Convention, a surrogate of Dr. James Dobson's (Focus On The Family) called on the "faithful" to join him in praying for a storm to disrupt the Democratic National Convention. Ironically, as we are all witnessing, due to a number of storms, the Republican National Convention has been heavily affected. Whatever the case, be it God or just strange irony, this should put to rest all subliminal and blatant Republican claims of having exclusive rights to the Almighty and His Will. As if on cue, the so-called Christian, Conservative, Republican Right Wing rears its hypocrisy, yet again. The same Party that somehow believes and has actually convinced many that they have a patent on family values, morality and accountability, just can't help itself. Enter, Governor Sarah Palin, John McCain's surprising choice for Vice President. She's a wife, a mother of five, the former head of the PTA, a business woman, Mayor and Governor; or as she likes to put it, "just your average hockey mom, from Alaska." She's the Right Wing "It" girl, and unlike John McCain, she is unwavering on her stance on, abstinence education, Gay marriage and the entire Conservative Right Wing political agenda. No one in their right might mind would ever deny that Governor Palin is indeed, very accomplished (and might I add, fine); and whichever end of the political spectrum you fall on, you must take into account that she is the only executive on the ticket, which is what the President is. Yet, it is obvious the choice of Governor Palin as a running mate was based on hype, as opposed to her actual qualifications. It is a ploy to acquire much needed excitement for the GOP and perhaps the votes of some disgruntle Hillary Clinton supporters. There is no reason to even attempt to debate that. The Republican Party is deep with far more qualified choices than Mrs. Palin. But, let's leave this argument to the pundits and Republican spin-meisters.

A storm has broken within the McCain campaign, that amazingly enough the press seems to be trying to beat back. The likes of Anderson Cooper, actually suggested "should this story be off limits?" My answer, hell to the no! Gov. Sarah Palin, who also might be under investigation, has found out first hand that her stance on abstinence education does not work. Her 17 year old daughter has gotten herself knocked up. No, I do not want to make light of this situation, but, it should not at all be swept under the rug, as some in the press have suggested or as some in the "saintly" Republican Party have implied that "this is just an average family issue..." Apparently, "we all have a 17 year old in our families who is impregnated." The fact is she is running for the second most powerful office on the planet. She is a heartbeat away from the Presidency; and let's just say it, with John McCain, the likelihood of her stepping into the post of President is rather high. So, yes her entire life is an open book.

We can't have it both ways. When she hit the seen, the first words out of her mouth and her supporters were about her achievements and her family. She and her supporters beat the drum about her being a virtual "Superwoman." So, let's tell it like it is, the choice of Gov. Palin, had nothing whatsoever to do with her supposed qualifications and everything to do with her story (because, as we all know, most Americans hardly ever vote with their minds). So, yes, her family (no matter what anyone says, including Sen. Obama) is red meat. Just imagine if Maliah or Sasha Obama were teenage girls, and one of them got pregnant? Do I have to even tell you the venomous vitriol that would explode from the press, especially and particularly from the "Fake" News Network and Talk Radio?

This is the price you pay to lead, and it is a reasonable price. If you can't run your family, why should I trust you to run my country? If the agenda or standards you hold so dear seem not to apply or even work within your own home, why should We The People entrust the direction of our beloved nation to you? So, no Governor Palin, no matter how many of your surrogates spin it, you do not get a pass; and yes, it is the job of the press and every citizen to know who you are through and through. No one ever afforded Hillary Clinton that luxury. So, suck it up sister, you're playing with the big boys now.

Copyright JLI 2008

Republican Disconnect

Is it possible to have seen the Republican National Convention and not realize how spectacularly divided we are as a nation? It speaks volumes of a campaign and Party that is morbidly out of step with the rest of the country, and might I add the world. Flashback only a week ago to the Democratic National Convention and the difference is mind blowing. Simply put, the DNC looked and felt like the America many of us so desire. How frightening is it that despite the enormous failures of this administration during these last eight years, there are still so many people who are zealously gun ho about this Party and its policies?

Desperation is a tragic thing to watch. As if drowning aboard a sinking ship, the Republicans and their minions seem to be flailing away ferociously in hopes of staying afloat. Last week Senator Barack Obama quipped: "When you have nothing to offer, you make a big campaign about small things." How astoundingly prophetic? Every single speaker at this Convention merely regurgitated the exact same rhetoric as the other: John McCain's a war hero... Obama is a liberal...John McCain's a war hero...watch out Obama is going to raise your taxes...John McCain's a war hero...Obama has no experience...Oh, yeah John McCain's a war hero. Not one word on the economy, not one word on healthcare, not one word on the housing crisis, just a vehement vitriol of smoke and mirrors.

I am convinced that the Republican Party is banking on the stupidity of the American people. The same stupidity that led us to elect George W. Bush to a second term: fear and good ole' heart warming tales of small town American values. That's where Governor Sarah Palin comes in. An obviously competent woman, whom the McCain campaign hopes will somehow dazzle women to rally behind his otherwise pointless third run at President. "She's just your everyday hockey mom from Alaska...with a knocked up teen daughter and her self described 'red neck' baby daddy, soon to be husband via shotgun." (Oops, I forgot the kids are off limits, save when they're being exploited by their mom and the Republican Party). Truly its all so heart warming, especially, how a Party which reads like a misogynists Hall of Fame is actually howling sexism at every turn, while wearing their: "The hottest VP from the coolest State" pins. Think McCain will enter her into any biker "beauty" contest?

However, if her much heralded speech was any indicator, Sarah Palin is officially a GOP superstar. She gave her supporters and the entire GOP some much needed excitement. She was personable, she was tough, and she was funny. Sure, she kept up the lies that previous speakers had uttered: "Barack Obama has never authored any legislation¹ and he's going to raise everyone's taxes²." But, hey those are just formalities. More than anything though, she more than anyone else summed up exactly why the GOP and this campaign in particular are so grotesquely out of touch with the very people they hope to continue misleading.

Apparently, Gov. Sarah Palin and her Party don't see the value in community organization. Apparently, no one informed Mrs. Palin, that had it not been for community organizing, she would likely not be where she is today. Apparently, Gov. Palin didn't learn that the Women's Rights Movement was birthed by community organizers. Perhaps no one informed her that community organizers spear headed Slave Liberation and the Civil Rights Movement. Maybe, the so-called "patriots" of the GOP didn't realize amid their jubilation that it was bands of community organizers, who, you know organized the blue print that would become, AMERICA. People like John Adams, Sam Adams, Patrick Henry, Harriet Tubman, Marin Luther King, Jr., Cesar Chavez, and a slew of ordinary people, who did extraordinary things to make this country into the beacon of light that it is all over the world. They didn't offer empty proclamations of patriotism, they lived it. They didn't need to empty make exclamations of Country First, they're very lives were evidence of it. It is no wonder that a certain Democratic Senator who got his start as a community organizer said of the Republican ticket, "they just don't get it." But, I reckon come November 4th, they most certainly will.

¹ Obama introduced the Congressional Ethics Enforcement Commission Act of 2006; considered the greatest ethics reform bill ever passed. Obama co-sponsored the Katrina Emergency Relief Act of 2005 introduced by Senator Harry Reid; Obama co-sponsored the Hurricane Katrina Bankruptcy Relief and Community Protection Act of 2005 introduced by Senator Russ Feingold. This is why the nation finds itself better prepared to deal with present day natural disasters.

² Obama's tax plan, promises over $80 billion in tax cuts for the middle class.

© JLI 2008